Some of you will remember the theme song from the popular 90’s sitcom The Fresh Prince of Bel Air with Will Smith’s rap “and my life was turned upside down”, well that’s exactly how I felt in my early twenties. Every part of my life seemed to be falling apart, from my home, which was never a haven for me but a place I dodged emotional bullets, to work, which ended up being my escape and a place to bury my misery and silent cries. I grew a shield of armour around me and let no one in, friends were never an option, I didn’t want anyone to see my vulnerability.
I lived in a place of fear, misery and frustration of not seeing a way out. My internal screams were bouncing off the walls of my heart. My soul was being ripped inside out. Tears of blood were flowing, I was slowly dying inside, living day to day like a corpse with one word answers or nods of the head to show some sign of life, although it was slowly fading away.
I woke one day with strange sensations in my body, I felt very sick and when I went to the doctors I found out I was pregnant. From that moment it felt like someone had come along and lit a spark in me. Bright eyed and bushy tailed, I was elated in telling everyone I was having not one but two little babies, “its twin girls!” I beamed.
The moment they came into this world and graced me with their presence, a further shift occurred in me. I was no longer feeling sorry for myself with my head down and playing the role of victim. I transformed into a warrior princess, eat your heart out wonder woman, as warrior princess was here to kick some butt!
My girls became my new focus, as a new mum I fumbled with all the newness of sleepless nights, nappy changing and feeding. These two beauties were a gift of hope in the darkness of despair, not one but two lights blessing my life. As I held their bottles to feed them, rubbed their backs to wind them and bathed their delicate soft baby skin, in each of those moments, I was growing stronger and stronger. My heart was coming alive, it had a reason to pump and live. My soul was picking up its broken pieces and like a jigsaw puzzle being put together again. My blood tears were now tears of joy, laughter and smiles looking into the eyes of my babies giggling and gurgling they were my biggest teachers in life, they taught me how to live, to sing, to play, to laugh and most importantly to love.
Day by day by resolve strengthened and I was able to turn my life from “upside down” to downside up. I had found my inner warrior princess and fought every obstacle that came my way with fierceness, my samurai sword was out and I was slicing through anyone or anything that stopped me from being happy.
However, the fierceness also had its problems because I had gone from being timid, armoured and in despair to being loud, outspoken and direct, with flames roaring from my mouth burning all in my path, although this helped in the short term but ultimately it would destroy me too. I met many interesting people along the way and my current husband was one of them, I will save that story for another time. This new found fierceness was also destroying relationships with new found friends and colleagues.
As I was bull dozing along my path creating destruction wherever I went. It dawned on me that maybe just maybe the middle path was for me. Not the one to the far left that had me crying into the depths of my soul and no action was ever taken and not the path to the far right which led me to dramatic destruction. The optimum choice was the middle path of peace and calm, where I was centered, aligned, not only knowing my truth but living it each and every moment.
Finding my true self, I underwent a process of peeling back the layers and understanding the self, my mind and all its resistance, my body that hid many of my emotions and my soul’s vibration. I developed a system to connect with your inner stillness and that stillness uncovers all that is you and holds the answers to all your questions and dilemmas. Working with this system you will become your own problem solver, your own guru/teacher and your own counselor.
The system consists of unraveling and deeply connecting with the following:
Mind – understanding your mind, the resistance it puts up, the fears and doubts, the ego and games it plays
Body – releasing the emotions and energy blocks, those backaches, or hip problems that make you hobble along may be energy blocks coming from your mind and emotions
Soul – connecting to your true self, the self that is beyond mind and matter
Awareness – consciousness which witnesses all that is happening and connects to your higher self
Support and guidance connecting you deeper and deeper to your inner self and paving your path to a life filled with joy, bliss, harmony and love.